When I moved to Raleigh, a book club turned into my closest friends. That took a lot of luck. This is my best attempt at breaking down why it usually doesn’t work out, and what Dabbel tries to do about each piece.
— Leah (I made this)Once I started paying attention, I saw it every week in the local subreddits. Here are a few. I have a backlog.
I sat down with my journal and sketched out what I think gets in the way, and what we can do about it.
Friendship apps ask you to judge a stranger from a photo and a vague bio. “Coffee, travel and good vibes” tells you almost nothing about whether you’ll actually click.
You can talk to someone for two hours, genuinely like them, go home thinking “I hope I see them again”… and never see them again. Friendship needs repetition and follow-through.
Trying something new often means paying for a class, joining a league or committing for weeks before you know if you even like it. Sometimes you just need someone to say, “I have an extra racket. Come try it.”
Walking into a group with years of inside jokes is one of the most intimidating social situations there is. You’re the only new person, and everyone else has a usual table.
A mixer with 120 people sounds like a great way to meet people, unless you have social anxiety. Then it sounds like a great way to stand by the snacks for an hour and leave.
Most people would happily show up to something, but almost nobody wants to be the one who organizes it. So the group chat stays enthusiastic and nothing happens.
Plenty of apps help you chat. Far fewer get you to pick a time and a place. Open-ended choices lead to decision fatigue, and the conversation quietly dies.
Finding a time that works for three busy adults is a puzzle. “We should hang out sometime” usually means never.
Even when you want to try something new, the first step takes energy: finding the thing, finding the people and finding the nerve.
Many people who joined my friend group in later years came in through one existing member. One introduction led to another event, then another person, and eventually to a whole community.
Many of the places where adults used to meet casually, the third spaces between home and work, are gone or harder to reach. Dabbel is local on purpose: you have to be nearby to create or join a plan.
Next, we want to work with the places where connection already happens: local businesses, volunteer groups, studios, parks and libraries. They give people something concrete to do together, and they keep the community rooted in a real place instead of inside an app.
Dabbel isn’t a cure for loneliness, and no app can manufacture friendship. The goal is smaller and more specific: create more chances for real people to do real things together, again and again.